I have never once seen you acknowledge that family-type polyamory is just as valid as hub-type polyamory, or even that there exist family-type polyamorists who are not insecure control freaks. I implore you to prove me wrong. Just once, admit that forms of poly other than your own are equally valid. I dare you.
people have a healthy balance. I do think people who demand that metamours spend time with them and make petty, unreasonable and often emotionally manipulative "rules" around how and when their partner interacts with other people are insecure and controlling. Someone who is highly reluctant to meet me due to their issues with polyamory has less bearing on my life than someone who is.pressuring our partner to interact with me in a way I am not comfortable with. When I ask people who favour this highly entwined model, they usually refer to the fact this style allows them to screen the metamour and ascertain their intentions. That makes me highly uncomfortable because I immediately wonder why they don't trust their partner to dump me straight away should I show any cowgirl tendencies. So yes, I think people who make explicit rules about everyone being a big family type thing are highly likely to have control and/or trust issues within their dyad that I am not willing to contend with. If I was able to develop a relationship with someone who has a preference for that model, or their partner(s) had a preference for that model, i would definitely compromise once I knew I wanted the guy in my life in some capacity. I just will not cater to demands and trust issues.