Originally Posted by LoveBunny
As for the labels, they bug me. "Unicorn hunters" and "swingers" are looked down on, who gets to decide this?
I acknowledge that I have some contradictory opinions when it comes to labels. On one hand, I want nothing to do with them. But on the other hand, everyone gets really attached to theirs, and they don't want me to take theirs away.
The challenge is that labels are only useful in conversation if everyone agrees with the language. If I pick up a bottle on the grocery shelf and the label says "ketchup" then I know what my hotdog is going to taste like when I pour it on. I shouldn't have to write to each manufacturer to make sure that all the bottles of "ketchup" are basically what I expect them to be. Within the label of "ketchup," I expect to find variations in seasoning. I don't expect each brand of ketchup to taste identical, but I expect them all to "taste like ketchup."
That's why I get so pedantic about language and labels. If someone calls themselves a unicorn, that word has a meaning that is generally understood in the context of "unicorn-hunters."
It's important to understand the order of events. First, there were people who looked to "complete" their relationship with a very specific type of woman with virtually unattainable characteristics. Often, they disrespected the autonomy of the woman they're seeking. Who gets to decide that disrespecting someone's autonomy is deplorable? I do. And I'm in good company. So first these people were out there doing this thing. It was only when they reached a critical mass that other people went "Wow, this is really a 'thing.' Let's give them all a name so that we can refer to them more easily. They're looking for something imaginary. Unicorns are imaginary. Let's say they're hunting unicorns."
It simply wasn't the case that first there were these women out there looking for couples to date, and they were like "Hey you know who else likes to date couples? Unicorns. So I'm going to call myself a unicorn, because that means someone who likes to date couples." No. Unicorns are just horses with a magical pole sticking out of their forehead.
Someone called me out for all of this contradicting my tag. I don't believe that it does. You see, labels ARE sticky. They come with connotations and assumptions. When you define yourself with labels, you inherit all those assumptions, like it or not. So if you're going to slap a big sparkly sticker on your forehead, it's probably a good idea to do some research first and make sure you really understand what that sticker says, and how others will interpret it. Because when you find that out after the fact, you'll realize that it's left glue all over your skin.