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Old 11-08-2013, 05:02 AM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 182
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I don't know which to write about, so I'll give a summary of events before going into a larger story.

Tonight was a nice date with AM, in that we had some alone time with each other. It's nice when the three of us are together, but it's really important for us to have couple time. Because I live with WI, AM sometimes gets envious and hurt that I'm not with her as much as she would like. Or I would like. So tonight was a nice time of really happily being together, lots of giggling and stupid story telling interspersed with the hard conversations of real life and all that. We've seen each other every day for the past week - feels wonderful - but tonight was special.

I do like seeing her every day. So does WI. And AM. So we keep skirting the idea of what it might mean to live together. Since we have to be closeted for now, it's an impossible thought. But it's a returning thought.

Anyway, that's not the big deal of the evening. I think I've written in the past that EL and I started as an affair, but persisted through some traumatic times, and settled into a loving long distance relationship that was at least tolerated by our spouses. Over a few years, it became a bit more secure, and after a while even tacitly supported. We screwed up a LOT when we started (an affair, and then afterward we weren't perfect), but they stayed with us as we figured out what this non-monogamy deal was, and they eventually believed us as we insisted that we wanted to stay married. (I think that's the hardest attitude to convey on this board - the desire to stay with someone through thick and thin, even if that means years of hardship and incompleteness in some areas, while enjoying the other areas.)

My wife was bitterly against non-monogamy, for years and years, until she fell for AM. And that opened her up to how her behavior felt to me, in the past - rigid rules and hard lines, serious constraints and unforgiving anger. Betrayal can do awful things. We worked it out. Things got better. But from her perspective now, she sees how hard it was on me, and how much I did to build trust, again.

Tonight, she wrote to EL. To say thank you. She wrote to thank EL for helping me become who I am, for helping me find to my true self, even when she herself didn't want to see it.

I'm bowled over. I'm honestly about to cry. It feels like a huge step was taken to resolve hardships of the past. It feels really amazing.
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