At this point in time, I'm going to enjoy the upcoming visit at the end of the year for what it is...spending the New Year holiday with "M" and our mutual friends (I'm staying at the friends' house, not with "M"). Even if it turns out that we discover we both have feelings for each other (hey a girl can dream can't she), I wouldn't want us to rush into anything too physical right away at the risk of ruining a really close friendship of a few years in one fell swoop.
"A" is a little hard to read at the moment...sometimes I think he's finally coming around to accepting that this changes nothing between us except the exclusivity. Then just a little while later he'll get all morose saying he doesn't want our marriage to end. I totally get that he's confused and I'm doing everything I can to help him through it before there is any perceived threat (aka the "visits") imminent. He has emphatically stated that he doesn't want to be sharing a household with any metamours (heh, don't even get me started on THAT term...he refuses to acknowledge ANY sort of relationship to either "M" or "T" and has asked me to stop using that word) -- that thought never even crossed my mind as even a remote possibility. Neither "M" nor "T" would ever consider dual citizenship or even becoming an ex-pat, nor would I -- we're all a bit set in our respective "middle age" ways.
"A" is also having a hard time understanding how I could divide my love among three (or more) men. In his mono-oriented mind, all humans have a finite capacity for love, and he'd rather have my entire allotment devoted to him than to have to give up any part of his portion to "M" or "T" (or anyone else who might come along later on, God forbid). He sees my growing relationships outside the marriage making his portion grow smaller and smaller, fearing that eventually another metamour's "allotted portion" grows bigger until "A" is out of the picture entirely. I've tried to tell him that that's not how I'm wired, but he can't get past his understanding of love. It may all just come down to a matter of how much trust there is between us (at least that's my hope).
Last edited by PolyMC; 11-08-2013 at 01:44 PM.
Reason: Because if I'm going to learn new poly terms like "metamour" I should learn to spell them correctly!