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Old 11-08-2013, 05:00 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,898

Originally Posted by Drummerboy74 View Post
My best bet at the point is to prob just see how it goes from here on out, naturally and organically. Thoughts?
I'm going to go against the general grain of responses here and say that, at this point, this is what I would do.

You go on to say:
Originally Posted by Drummerboy74 View Post
One other thing to mention -- this desired-after "triad" of sorts wouldn't really be a true full-time relationship. ... This would almost be a continuation of what it is now - with maybe the added knowledge that it is "something" - not just a trick we have over sometimes. Maybe I should stop trying to find a label for it?
I know the poly mantra is "Communicate, communicate, communicate." but I have never understood the need to determine ahead of time what the "goals" of a relationship are - what it is "supposed to look like" down the road.

If the three of you are enjoying yourselves and appreciating what you have now...then why try to shape it into something different? Or label and define it? It is what it is.

Sure, deeper feelings MAY develop over time...or one of the three of you may decide that you are no longer happy participating in this three-way thing the way you are now...


On another note - I agree with opal here:

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I have to disagree with Mags here. I don't consider all casual, FWB, NSA etc. sex to be swinging. I don't consider all sex where an emotional component is not wanted to be swinging. Open relationships, swinging, casual sex, NSA, FWB can all be subsets of ethical non-monogamy. Swinging to me is more of a subculture of ethical non-monogamy, one that often does emphasize physical and friendly connections over emotional and romantic connections. ...Also swinging tends to be rather hetero-centric, if not outright homophobic.
Not all relationships have to be deep and growing deeper. For me it is possible to have "casual sex" with my friends. We do have a "relationship" - that of friendship. (As opposed to say, random sex with anonymous strangers or one-night-stands - not all "casual sex" is the same.)

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
It is difficult to control who falls in love with who, especially if there is cuddling, going out on activities together, getting to know each other. That is indeed a recipe for falling in love. It's generally not possible to control feelings. We feel what we feel.
This may be specific to the individual - for me these are activities that are a recipe for creating bonds between people...but not necessarily romantic bonds (even if you throw sex into the list). Maybe it is because I am NOT someone who "falls in love" easily (it's happened exactly twice for me), or maybe my definition of "love" is much more narrow. Maybe it's because my "friendships" are all very close (I don't have "casual" friends - I call those "acquaintances") and share a lot of qualities that people associate with "love."


Just an alternative perspective...

JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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