So H and I had several very long, open conversations. Apparently he's been seriously depressed about his job and he's been keeping it to himself because he didn't feel able to verbalize it. He's been doing a damn good job of hiding it too because I didn't realize it was as debilitating for him as it is. He finally came completely clean with me and told me he is reacting badly because he feels badly about himself and so he interprets everything in a negative way right now.
My heart aches for him but I know that this situation is beyond what I can do for him other than loving him and supporting him. I'm just glad he could finally tell me what's wrong.
He says that I can continue seeing E and my kink friends because he knows how important it is to me and how much I need it. Which is good, because I don't know what I'd do if he'd try to set a boundary there. We have a small child and I don't want to divorce, but I know I won't be happy in a vanilla monogamous relationship. But fortunately, I don't need to borrow trouble because he respects that.
He is fragile right now though. We're taking things one day at a time and I'm doing the best I can to be there for him.
Me: 32 year old poly pansexual Dominant female, legally separated. Dating Jennifer (married poly), 9 months, and Henry (single poly), 8 months.