it takes a seriously responsible person to be able to do that
and if you can, I don't think that couple will ever truly know how lucky they are someone was willing to take the time and by exemplary example you would damn near carry them both down many many painful pathways leaving them unscathed.
It is probably the gentlest, easiest way for any couple to go from theory to practice, but being a year old, these events are quite a ways into the past, but for any other readers I will say that it could easily be considered playing with fire, however there is a way to safely play with it
and that is by getting to know her partner.
Not many people have spouses that are up for that unless it's a more casual relationship like specifically wanting a threesome, or the spouse honestly enjoys seeing their partner engaged in sex acts.
For some peculiar reason, every instance of meeting someone and having them tell me "their partner is aware of me and is ok with it" those words are likely to represent two very distinct conversations which are:
conversation between myself and her = She is explicitly stating her desire for sex, that the friendship we are beginning, she sees me as compatible to start a friendship and wants to make sure that I understand she has a boyfriend whom she is not leaving and will always remain his girlfriend, that our relationship is a friendship. Essentially she informs me she wants to have sex and makes it clear it is not cheating
conversation between her and her boyfriend = For some strange reason, sex is not mentioned and the activities she is explicit about are getting coffee, grabbing lunch, that it is refreshing to have a male friend who doesn't hit on her and is willing to hang out with her knowing she has a boyfriend.
For some reason, there is a significant difference in the two versions of the statements "My boyfriend knows about you and he is OK with it"
I know it isn't intentional, but I don't think it is a coincidence that I have never had trouble with couples that wanted a threesome or her boyfriend's kink was to see her have sex, but when I don't meet the spouse, my friendship ends up problematic.
I enjoy the company of women, much more so than men, and I will never be a part of the miscommunication that seems inevitable when I don't meet the boyfriend.
Due to some very bad experiences, I have a bad habit of disappointing women by keeping the relationship respectful and platonic (if I don't meet their partner, I do not let the conversation turn sexual and when it does my mentioning of having to meet their boyfriend is taken as giving mixed signals. Sometimes it pisses women off)
So I've learned to be upfront about needing to meet their boyfriend/spouse first. Which means most of time that the women moves on to someone else.
which is fine, but honestly I view the situation you described as ideal. I will admit that it gets near impossible to continue seeing someone in your situation unless it's not just you two alone. Either they get explicit permission to engage in sex, or to keep from "slipping up" we no longer spend time together in person. For me, if I was in your situation, I would either put the matches down, or get to know their spouse.
Once you are on fire, the two of you burn, and I have no doubt it will be the good kind of burn , but when the partner doesn't explicitly agree, that fires burns the spouse and in a very negative way
it can be a very productive and extremely rewarding controlled burn -- when the spouse is present, but if not, it will be like using gasoline instead of lighter fluid to light the briquettes, which is less like playing with fire and more like playing with explosives.
Gasoline isn't flammable, it's explosive
BBQ without the spouse is Queing with gasoline
When the spouse is present, it prevents the rancid smell of burnt hair and the months it takes to for eyebrows to grow back
Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-07-2013 at 08:51 AM.