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Old 11-06-2013, 06:26 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,343

Originally Posted by Natja View Post
I don't blame Showtime because, let's face it, this was a problem before that show came about, it is Porn. The threesome in porn is such a staple, especially the FMF threesome
Good point, although if all Showtime is doing is following porn's lead, then I still see it as more of a titillator than a normalizer, and it still makes me work harder at undoing perceptions of my relationship rather than letting me explain what it is. That's why I just say that P's "non-exclusive with two committed long-term relationships" - lotsa words, but pretty much to the point.

Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
We all come here because we want relationship advice for the kind of relationships we likely didn't ever see growing up. We are all trying to figure out how to make this work for us, and have more love/sex/passion/companionship in our lives. Let's embrace the full spectrum of that.
This is true. I came here, as someone who isn't Poly, simply because it was one of the only places I could talk about this stuff without immediately getting judged as a victim, or having my relationship be looked at as casual or disrespectful.

However, what I tend to see when the couples come on the board (usually) is first a gentle poke about "have you thought about this stuff" and a link to the unicorn hunter or couple privilege articles. It doesn't usually seem to get heated unless the original posters come back with, "Well, that's not us - here's why it's not us <lists several reasons that indicate that it is, in fact, them>." Or if someone else starts arguing in the thread on behalf of the OP, which tends to happen from time to time.

The self-proclaimed unicorns seem to regularly get flak for using the term. I personally have no feelings on it either way - if they realize it can be a pejorative term, and they still identify with what it represents, it's okay by me if they call themselves that. In the thread that was closed, the OP even stated that she fully expected couple privilege and didn't expect equality at all.

If the "unicorn" is fully informed and consents to all this, then I see this as no different than a negotiated D/s relationship. It's not for me, but I respect others' decisions to enjoy that in their relationships.

It's when the person is uninformed or doesn't fully consent that they run into trouble. In both cases.

Maybe the folks poking a bit hard at the "unicorns" are trying to make sure they're truly informed and understand all this, and I think that's a good thing. But at what point do you back off and say, "Okay - have at it then"?

No answers here, just questions. Thanks for creating a thread where we can discuss it without having to tie it to someone's particular situation, Mags.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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