Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 11-06-2013, 01:28 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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I attended my very first Melbourne Cup, and with the bets that I placed, I won big time. I am very competitive, and I love the rush that comes with winning. I also enjoy this feeling when I get the approval code on the more expensive purchases I make. We are not gamblers by any stretch. I had to learn about betting in a few days time. I spent the entire day with Matt, our children, in-laws, and friends. The only sad moment of the day was when an announcement was made about one of the horses being euthanised. During the race, she broke her leg, and I am not sure how they came to the decision to put her down. Her team was really sad and visibly shaken up. That was a bummer, and they held a moment of silence for her. She was a beautiful horse and quite accomplished. Other than that, it was a great day and a very fun experience.

I saw my ex at the racecourse. In between a couple of the races, I stepped out of our box to mingle and socialise with the attendees, and I saw her. I was unsure of how to react to her. She spoke first. Something about it being funny to see me there. she asked if we could talk. I listened and mostly nodded in acknowledgement. She wants to be friends. I have forgiven her for myself. I am considering it, but I have stipulations and boundaries galore. It has to be a controlled friendship because I have seen what she is capable of, and I have to protect my children and husband.

The only reason I am considering this is because without me none of what she did would have been possible. If I had listened to my first mind when it was telling me, "You are on two different paths. You want children. She wants to be childfree. Your relationship was meant to be secondary and not primary." I had doubts because she and I had agreed that the day to day stuff was not going to work for us.

Our V worked so masterfully because of how it was structured. Due to time restraints, her job, her other relationships, and her desire to be primary less, it was easy. She worked overnights from 7p-7a. I used to take lunch from 2-3 or 3-4. In that time, she would usually be awake, so I would have lunch with her and get some QT in. I would go back to work, get off at 6-6:30, which was a bit before or after Matt on some days. By then, she was on her way to work or already there, so he and I had the entire evening to ourselves. We would go on dates, cook dinner together, go to the movies, late night frozen yoghurt runs, and whatever we so desired. She would text or call on her breaks. Usually to say good-night. We would cuddle, make love, or go to bed. I woke up next to him almost every day of those first eight years, and if I did not, it was never because of Si. Our mornings used to look like grabbing breakfast at a local patisserie or cooking breakfast together. He went in to work for 7:30, and I went in for 8:30. Since my ex's flat was closed to my job, I would swing by and see her before work. I sometimes made her breakfast, or we cuddled until she went to sleep. Then, I went to work, and the days pretty much looked the same. I had date nights with her, but I never stayed the night. He has his interests, and I made sure that my dates with her happened on those nights. She knew my marriage came first, and she was fine with that. He never had to see her because their schedules were too opposite, and they did not have the same friends so even crossing paths at weddings, Christenings, birthday parties, etc. was a rarity. Compare this to what it became from 2008 forward. She forced herself into the role of a co-primary

I had to let her know that I was not keen on how she did it. I had never told her because I just recently realised how it felt with that being dumped in my lap. She dropped all of her relationships, and I was expected to meet all of her needs, integrate her into my life, and not worry about anything when we had already agreed that was not for us. She never talked to me about it to gauge my feelings, which meant she never stopped to consider what that meant for my marriage. She apologised for doing that and acknowledged that she it was wrong and inconsiderate.

It was nice to talk to her. She said karma has given a swift kick in the bum. She looks like she has been stressing or dealing with the weight of the world. She has visibly lost weight. We did have a good eight years. Do I let her questionable judgement the last few ruin the good years we had?

I am going to think about this. I am willing to be a long-distance friend to her because I have to keep her at a distance. I have to weigh the pros and cons. I am not going to get burned again, and I am not going to make the same mistakes again. I have talked to DH, and he trusts my judgement and trusts me not to downgrade his importance in my life behind anyone. He has nothing to worry about.

We shall see. I am going to spend some time with my hubby before I head up to bed. I cannot hang with the night roller.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.
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