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Old 11-06-2013, 04:22 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Sounds like shes intentionally limiting who.you can date in such an extreme.way in order to make it nearly impossible to date/meet someone. I wouldnt be surprised if New boundaries are set when you do meet people.
Maybe-but I don't think so based upon her thread.
I think she is suddenly encountering the need to actually consider how to make things work and what she needs to do with herself in order for that to be possible.

I remember Maca thinking "WTF" when I suddenly was insecure and jealous over his first interest. He thought "YOU are the one who brought poly into this how can YOU be insecure and jealous?"
All sorts of assumptions that I must be playing games and manipulating and trying to control him, have my cake and eat it to, not let him date others etc.

The truth is-until we encounter an experience, we don't know for sure how we will feel. If we haven't done a lot of working on managing how we react, that can be a big drama when things change suddenly.

Also-when multiple big things change suddenly at one time-that in itself, even if they are changes we want, can be overwhelming. Once someone is emotionally flooded, they don't react sensibly-because they aren't sensible. THey have to get back to un-flooded before they can be rational.
There's a lot going on in her world too.

I think-bad timing.
A few miscommunications between the two of them.
Some fear and insecurity on her part-some of which was largely unexpected BY HER.
A need to do some mind-clearing.
A need to wait until the BIG life changing events of this week are finished (because focusing is hard when you are busy with life-changing events).
A need for some serious discussion about what is REALLY the issue (because it's not "this other lady" and it's not "him being poly".

I think this is resolvable. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. But definitely resolvable.
Both people are clearly interested in finding a solution. Both are clearly interested in each others needs.
Both are clearly seeing where their own errors were.
Both are asking for suggestions and help and constructive criticism on their own thoughts and actions.

All great signs for a mutually agreeable solution to be found. Just need some creative adaptation and calm, caring, considerate conversation.
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