I do love her and would be perfectly happy being mono... I've honestly always considered myself situationally poly. By that I mean to say I recognise that some people can't have all their needs met by one person and in those instances I am happy for them to date others.
This is the first time for me exploring polyamory. S has another boyfriend who she has been with for nearly 3 years. For what it's worth J has another boyfriend, I'm not sure how long they have been together. Both other couples have been open before and always been curious about allowing something more substantial to develop.
I would be perfectly happy identifying as monogamous and dating someone who is polyamorous. The point where it get's a bit difficult for me to process in my head is that I am being told that S is fine with me identifying as poly, yet the only other person I'm interested in is a boundary (one which I previously thought was negotiable and have since learnt will never be negotiable). What I'm trying to say is that if I identify as mono I don't feel anything is missing from my life, but if I identify as poly then I don't want this to happen when I meet someone.
For what it's worth I said last night that for now I think it's best if I do identify as mono, it helps me process where the boundaries are in my head and I honestly don't feel like I'm missing anything by identifying this way. What I'm scared about though is that the damage may already have been done. I'm feeling pretty f###ing empty and heartbroken about that right now