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Old 03-20-2010, 04:33 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 149
Default Coming out didn't go well with one person

I've been so happy lately, being able to be open with more people. It really is a very liberating feeling, such a relief.

It didn't go well with one person though, my Dad. He assures me that he loves me and that he and I will 'always be ok' but we're not 'ok' at all.
Among the many things that he said when he found out was that he was disappointed and thought what my husband and I were doing was shameful. We shouldn't tell anyone else. What we are doing can't possibly last, it can't work long term. That my Step-Mom can be there for me to talk about it, but he and I don't need to bring it up again. That he will be there for me when it inevitably falls apart. That he never wants to 'meet the guy'.

I'm heartbroken.

My Dad and I were estranged for several years because of his refusal to accept my choices in life (previously my decision to work instead of go to school). My greatest fear has come true and we're right back where we were 13 years ago. I was paralyzed through most of this conversation with him, I talked a bit but felt there wasn't anything I could say that was going to change his mind. I just kept repeating variations of the fact that my husband and I were happy, our eyes were wide open, and that we were not ashamed of our partners or what we were doing. I wanted to tell people because it felt wrong to keep hiding something that was such a positive and healthy thing for us.

I'm terribly passive and have no idea what I'm going to do. I don't want anything to do with him right now, I don't want to talk to him or see him.
Can you love someone but not accept them? How can I have a relationship with my Dad knowing that he doesn't accept me or people I love?
I don't even know what to say to him. Because I can't have him believing that he and I are 'ok'.
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