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Old 07-02-2009, 09:42 PM
Sai Sai is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Quath & Mark1npt, It's a conundrum, cutting and pasting those quotes from their various sources must have taken quite a bit of time, especially considering that the source essays are quite long and his posting takes chunks from each of them and mixes them up in a way that seems to make sense. It's more of a text collage than anything. When we have spoken of the subject recently, he expresses essentially the same views in his own words, however, this view is diametrically opposed to veiws he held in the past where he would revile the concept and me for identifying with it. This is what has made it so difficult for me to accept that he has really changed his mind now. He has been working quite hard to convince me that his transformation is real for some time now but the fact that he could not write his own essay makes me wonder if he has actually internalized and embraced the ideas or if it is just stuff he is saying in order to, as you say, 'appease' me.

Yes, I have serious trust issues with him now, primarily because of the abuse issues, not only because it has happened in the first place, but the fact that for a very long time he would do/say something horrible then turn around and apologize profusely, beg forgiveness, demonstrate a perfect intellectual understanding of what he had done wrong and why it was wrong, and swear it would never happen again. Then of course, it would happen again, sometimes almost immediately. When confronted with this pattern and his broken promises he would generally say something like, "I wasn't aware of what was triggering me to do that before, I thought I was, but I was wrong, I can assure you that I now have a handle on it and it will never happen again." Then of course, it would happen again. In his defense, I have to say at this point that these incidents have been tapering off and I do believe that he has been making genuine progress and sincerely wants to not have abuse be part of his life. The problem is that he lacks the self awareness to realize when he is NOT over his issue and seems to sincerely believe he is when the truth is far from it. This sort of lack of self awareness is obviously something that is not something one wants to be going forward into polyamoury with.

Yes, I am trying to decide if the relationship is worth saving and if it's possible to go forward into polyamoury with him. There have been some very difficult times but he has also demonstrated a great deal of dedication towards wanting to save the relationship and make up for wrongs past, as well as this sudden enthusiasm for polyamoury. I have been adopting a wait and see sort of attitude for a while, but the input I get is still confusing.

I don't think that he's seeing someone else or posting his text in order to pick someone up, I do however lean towards thinking that it has more to do with how his words will affect others, especially me, than what he really wants to express for himself.
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