Originally Posted by FullofLove1052
Maybe your children just were not sure how to react to him because he does not have a specific role in their lives. Nothing is cut and dry with children. He is just the man their mum is dating and someone they see however often. Too distant to be a friend but not close enough to warrant a parental figure role in their lives. Odd place to be. As long as they are being respectful and at least cordial, just leave it suspended in midair. Some things are best left alone. Maybe once they are older or more used to him, they will become friends. 12 year old's are funny little beings. I dread the pre-teen and teen years.
It sounds like the wrinkles have been ironed out for now, and I am glad you guys enjoyed your weekend.
And that's kind of what we've done. We haven't really had any particular discussion with the kids, other than telling them both a while back that he's not trying to be another dad to them, and that I'm just asking they respect him as an adult in this house. It was nice to see my oldest and P enjoy a conversation, and see her open up.
I would eventually like to have that talk that, yes, this is his home too, but it's not a burning need, and maybe over time, they'll understand that at some level anyway.
Part of the whole "being respectful to people" thing was getting to him in the past - my oldest would rarely acknowledge his presence at all, and that stings. I kept my eyes open and realized that she does this in many situations - I had to get her butt back in her aunt's house after Easter dinner because she'd left and gotten in the car without saying goodbye to ANYONE. So I work on it in a more general form than "P wants you to say hello to him", which I feel would drive a bit more of a wedge between them.
My oldest daughter went out fundraising for her dance company this weekend, and I made a point to mention it there as well, "Please remember to say 'thank you' so they can hear it." She was friendly, and loud enough to be heard, and it was nice to see her own it.
So, it's a combination of things, but it did gel this weekend, and it made for a really nice time.
Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 12), two cats, one house, many projects.
My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.
External blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk