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Old 03-19-2010, 11:32 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by StitchwitchD View Post
she has expressed that she gets very uncomfortable when it seems like I'm more intimate with him than she is- which I understand, but I wish that she'd ask for more of whatever kind of intimacy she wants instead of wanting me to have less. I figure that people only get worried about how much of something other people are getting when supplies are limited, but when it's an all-you-can-eat buffet, no one cares what or how much anyone else is eating. So, I think that there must be something she wants/needs that she's not getting or not getting enough of, and if she was, she would be less worried about what I'm getting.

So, it's not like she wants to watch the new episode of Supernatural with him, but it seems to bother her that we have things like that that we do together. I wish they'd do more things together! I remember how they used to be when they were first dating, and I wish they'd get back on that track, but it's not like me avoiding any kind of intimacy with him makes her have more.
These are all excellent points. It's so important for people to take responsibility for having their own needs met, rather than putting the onus on their family and friends and partner[s]. It always reminds me of the time my mother-in-law actually came out and said "well if I'm going to be miserable, why should anyone else be happy?" ... That attitude can really bring down the people around you if they let it. We didn't let it, we just spent as little time in her company as socially/ethically required. Because *everyone* should be happy and if they're not, they should get happy. Making others miserable will not get you happy, in fact it will make you more miserable because they'll try to avoid you...
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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