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Old 11-04-2013, 03:40 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,545

I really am attempting to understand why people have an issue with it so I can more gracefully (?) And intelligently tell them to back off. Aside from the "back off. This is my way that is your way." Bcause that has led to alienation which isnt comfy for anyone.
If this is the need? Without an example conversation, I can't give you feedback on your communication style. Could you be willing to give an example conversation that happened between you and X where you felt flakked on?

You do seem to recognize that a defensive "back off" sort of tone is not serving you well because it alienates people.

Ive definitely asked everyone and gotten their answers which are very much along the lines of "because this is better" "why dont you do this" and they get very disheartened when I tell them why I dont.
If you are the one initiating the conversation asking people things, that doesn't seem like them seeking you out to be giving you flak.

If they are disheartened with your reasons why you prefer a different model -- well, they are disheartened then. That's their problem. But you could examine how you state that preference. You aren't responsible for how they feel, but you could examine if your communication was taken wrong accidentally or created misunderstandings. You ARE responsible for your behavior and your choice of vocab.
  • "I like spoke hub because family model is for stupidheads" -- well, that won't be received well. Gets people defensive and kinda GRR esp when they like the model they have. (Not saying you say that, just an example.)
  • "Thanks for sharing your experiences with me." (That's pretty neutral)
  • "Thanks for sharing. I'm glad that works out well for you. In my experience, I found I prefer spoke style for myself." (Nobody can deny you your experience or your preferences. You are you. So that's also pretty low key response.)

Could thinking up responses like that ahead of time help you have a more graceful conversation the next time you find yourself "on the spot?"


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-04-2013 at 03:45 AM.
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