Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 11-04-2013, 03:00 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915
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Home sweet home.

If I do not see the inside of plane--private or commercial--until next year, that is fine by me. I am grounding myself. I am tired of travelling.

The good news is Christmas is being celebrated here. I should be bummed about not getting that white and cold Christmas, but if it means no travelling for me, I am okay with that. I will happily celebrate Christmas with warm-hot weather because Christmas falls in summer for us. My family, friends, in-laws, etc. will all be here for Christmas. First Christmas in our new home. Everything is set. My parents will be arriving the first week of December because they want to attend my daughter's recitals on the 7th. I am glad I travelled privately because I was not up for layovers and prolonging the trip. I was in pyjamas and rollers the entire flight. 18 hours and 35 minutes. That is a brutal trip. I took an extended release sleeping pill, so I was sleep for most of the flight. I timed it so that I would wake up close to the local morning time. I beat jet-lag, so it worked.

DH and I are going on a couple's retreat from 1st December to the 7th. Our therapist thinks we could benefit from it, and we have decided we are going to go. Fortunately, it is located about 1.5 away from our home. There are certain mornings where we have to be here, so our therapist and her team are working with us. Our daughter's graduation and bump up ceremony are on the 6th December, and we are not missing that. We are still working out the kinks schedule wise.

This retreat is different as will be a tailored to suit our needs as opposed to one-size fits all. Our therapist and her team are behind this, so we feel comfortable. Trust is obviously still a work in progress. Our retreat counselling team will consist of a psychologist, a psychotherapist, and a marriage counsellor, and we will having joint sessions/skill building/couples activities with them from 10-1 every day. We will also be partaking in sunrise yoga, couples meditation, individual activities, learning about tantra and building intimacy, daily kinesiology sessions to keep us balanced, centred, focused, and a couples' spa morning and exploration day on our last day at the retreat---solely for relaxation and reflecting.

In addition to all of that, it was advised that we each have individual sessions with the members of our team. Individual sessions will take place from 4-6. From 8-9:45, we will have daily couples' counselling and get daily feedback. Our therapist is particularly keen on seeing how we interact with one another outside of the weekly 75 minute block she spends with us every Friday. I like that is personalised. I am looking forward to this, and I hope it will be a positive step for us.

It has been a rough year, and the emotions have been up and down in all aspects of my life. I want to end the year on a high note. Relationship wise, family wise, and just as a whole. We have been weathering this relationship storm since March, so it is time for something positive to happen in that department. Plus, with two newly widowed relatives in my family, we need to take time away from the day to day and appreciate one another without any distractions or interruptions.

I am proclaiming that 2014 will be better than this year. I cannot speak for anyone else, but damn, I am ready for this year to be over. I am not sure what my romantic life will look like poly wise next year or ever again. I am taking it day by day. I simply do not know, but I know one thing. I am committed to my marriage, and it comes first and above all but God.

I say that because I believe you have to put your marriage before your children. Now, I am not suggesting you ignore what the child needs in favour of a spouse. We do not have a marriage where all we talk about is our children and the love we have for them. We are setting an example by putting our marriage first because this is the first romantic relationship they will be exposed to day in and day out. They need to see a healthy example, and when they leave the nest, we need to have something binding us other than the love we share for our children. We will still have the second half of our lives to live.

I want them to be like me when I say I want a marriage like my parents. They have been married 38 years and together for 41, and they are still so in love and sweet with one another. I found myself thinking, "Aww," when I was watching them over the weekend. Even if poly does become a part of my life again one day, God willing, I have every intention of reaching that level of longevity in my marriage.

I hope everyone is enjoying their morning, afternoon, or evening. Back to family time.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
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