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Old 11-04-2013, 02:30 AM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,391

Well, after waiting around a little bit, C3 disappeared online, so I drove back and had lunch near where M lives. (It is about an hour and 40 minutes to the game store & airport from my house, and M lives halfway between them.) I messaged M, and he joined me for eats.

We had an emotional conversation - he was really anxious. His wife's long term sorta girlfriend - I don't even know what to call her because it is complicated - came up with a document that showed that he spent more hours with me last week than with his wife. So his wife is upset now. I was just like, seriously? If she is happy with their time together, than why is this an issue? The time we spent at the game store was included, which is crazy, because more than 3/4 of the time, we weren't even together - it was a tournament and we didn't even play each other. And she counted the sleeping with me date night, but not all the nights they slept together. Whatever. I don't think this should be tit for tat or 50/50 or 90/10. Shit, I don't even know what percentage would be fair? I think M just needs to balance his schedule with what our needs are at any given time. I had my regular date day & night, and then yesterday was the tournament. That isn't excessive in my opinion, but since H works during the daytime and they choose to do their own thing in the evenings, I am supposed to have time taken away? It isn't like the time taken away, other than my one overnight a week, could be added to her! She is working! And he would have gone to the tournament without me!

M said that the H's girlfriend was trying to be helpful, but I don't see how that helped anything.

Anyway, other than the anxiousness, lunch ended well. C3 messaged me and asked me to come over to the game store - which I had just driven an hour away from. I wanted to see him though, so I did. C was there, and he was flirty and huggy as always. He made a cryptic comment to me, seemingly about me, about always screwing things up with relationships, and then left to go to the movies with his girlfriend. What? That made me think maybe they had been talking about me, but maybe not.

Anyway, I hung out and watched C3 play a round of WarMachine (Hordes). He was crazy shaky and seemed really nervous, but he talked to me about my husband, saying he had Facebook stalked me a bit. Then we went outside with his dog and talked. We had messaged earlier because he seemed to be having a bit of an emotional morning. Apparently lately he has been having issues because he is obsessed - his word - with this one chick, who is SO perfect for him but has friend zoned him but who is "in the process" or is "very close" to leaving her long term partner. He is determined that they will be together, if only he waits a couple of more weeks. He told me he is suffering from depression and anxiety, and his last few therapy sessions have centered around this girl.


I told him that the therapy and anxiety stuff isn't an issue with me - M has all of that and more. However, the chick is a problem. I really don't want to have deal with that kind of issue. I told him that he needed to focus on someone else - meaning me - and he said there was another girl that sort of liked him but she was really young for him. (He is the same age as me - 36.) he then focused on me and started asking me questions about poly, and my current relationships.

He told me that he was really clingy and codependent in relationships, so he didn't think poly would work well for him. I said I didn't really think that would be an issue, since I was really only seeing M once a week. Also, yeah, I am touch-centered and so that wasn't a problem for me. (When I told M later this comment - that C3 said he was clingy - M burst into laughter. He thought that was the funniest thing he had ever heard, because yeah, Perfect for me.)

Anyway, it was cold out, so I asked him if he wanted to sit in my van to talk, but he said no, that he wanted to play more game because it helped him get calm. So we went back inside, but we sat around with a couple other players and talked about our lives, our colleges and education, and about me homeschooling until the place was about to close. During the conversation, C3 was involved, but he would often walk away and then come right back. Agitated, maybe, but he wasn't looking like he was - he was interested and upbeat in the conversation.

I asked the group if anyone wanted to go to dinner, but he said no because he had his dog, and everyone else was headed home to spouses and such. We walked out together, and he asked if I would be there any other day than Friday night. (I have to pick up my husband at the airport at 11 on Friday.) he said that he would be there Saturday. I said prolly not Saturday, since that would be my husband's first day back, if he comes home as planned. He said Friday night he is hosting his work department's happy hour, so he hadn't planned on coming over to the store, but if I was there, he maybe could come by after, depending on how late it was.

So it ended well, anyway.

What the fuck is it with me and guys with anxiety issues? I seem to be swimming in them.

I do like C3, but right now he seems like an awful lot of work for a long distance relationship.

I saw M after I left the store, because C3 gave me some stuff to deliver to him (M asked me to bring it over). M climbed into my van and we talked. M said he hoped I would hang in there with C3, and just see where the friendship goes. That was pretty much what I was going to do anyway. I am not going to pursue or pressure toward a romantic relationship when he is clearly fixated on a girl that will never be his. He needs to clear that up first. I mean, I'd be ok being poly with her as a metamour, but his mind is in no shape to handle that at the moment. Anyhoo, he gave me several mixed statements and cues about poly.

He did put everything down to give me a hug goodbye.

Sigh. Arrrrrrgh!
A modern day polyamorous polygamist My Online Journal

Me, center of a MFM V-shaped polycule (40F)
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