Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 11-04-2013, 02:19 AM
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FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
I know you had to step away from Si. I think I knew it was going to have to happen, from the first time you posted. Matt's posts made it all the more clear: Keeping Si around was never going to be an option.

I think you feel you have more freedom now, and more time and opportunity to get right in the midst of your family and there remain, no interruptions or competition.

They always equate poly with freedom. But sometimes "less is more."
This. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was when I walked through the airport and saw my family. My little guy ran in to my arms and gave me the biggest hug. My daughter told me how much she missed me. She talked my head off on the way home, but it was good. Matt understands that October was difficult, and he is not expecting me to make up the lost time. He just kissed me and told me, "It is good to have you home." If it was like it was before, I would have been like, "I have not seen my children since this date, and I want to spend time with them individually and get family time in. I have not seen Matt since last Monday, so we need to squeeze some time in. I have not seen Si since x date, so I need to set time aside and see her." My children have been clinging to me since I got back.

Before, all of them would have been vying for my attention and wanting to spend time with me, and it would have been overwhelming because someone was going to be left disappointed. Now? I feel free. I am attending the Emirates Cup Parade with my children, Matt, and Nanny J. We are having a late lunch when we leave here. Matt and Nanny J are taking my son home for his nap. I am taking my daughter to get frozen yoghurt and going to the park for our daily bonding. By the time my son wakes up, I will be home, and I am going to spend time with him. We are considering going to Mass at 6 or 6:30, too. Matt and I are cooking dinner together. After dinner and the bedtime routine, we have a date. Easy as pie.

I loved my ex, but I am happy to be relieved of the pressure that came with having a second co-primary. I am looking at the rest of my day and wondering, "If I was still with Si, what would I have to cut back on to fit her in to this day?" I hope this does not sound bad, but if I was still with her, I would not be able to sacrifice any of it.

So, yes. You are right. I had to step away from her. I am confident that I made the best decision on my own.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
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Last edited by FullofLove1052; 11-04-2013 at 02:22 AM.
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