Agreed, I was a bit confused about "we're dating separately" even though a triad seems to be the ultimate objective. I guess I assumed that if someone clicked with one spouse, they'd then be introduced to the other spouse and *hopefully* all the sparks would then fly roughly equally or something on that order.
Also, "not interested in a threesome," *but,* the plan is to *start out* in a threesome manner and then transition into one-on-one encounters. I think I get it, but admit that the way it was worded confused me at first.
Re: your "date," once he/she meets your spouse, is suddenly all about the spouse and suddenly you're out of the picture ... a sucky possibility that can *definitely* happen, so, emotionally prepare yourself at least.
Personal observation: It seems to me (and I don't know why this is) that it's very common/popular for people to picture "polyamory" as a "central couple" (probably originally monogamous) adding a third and all that. Whereas in practice, polyamory only seldom works out that way (with the "perfect triad"). More often it's, each original partner finds their own new partner, or even more often, a "V" takes shape in which one person has romantic ties with two other people, but the two other people only have a platonic tie with each other. Well, such is what I've seen/experienced so far anyway.
Re: coming out ... always a complicated proposition, the moreso with an "established 'mono' couple" with a "newly-added third." Despite all the original couple's good intentions, they may find coming out about their new partner to be a tough proposition.
Re: OKCupid ... ahh, sigh, that wonderful site that's done so much for so many people who stuck with it and put in the work and perserverance and whatnot. I'm happy for them I really am, but I promise I put a crazy amount of work/patience/dedication into my OKC experience (as much as I do Polyamory.com let's put it that way), and I still just repeatedly bombed until I thought, "You know what? I'd rather put more focus into the poly circle that I already have." I guess my point is that OKC definitely works (duly-earned) miracles for some, but not for all. I guess I could say that if you haven't tried OKC yet: yes you should try it (and work hard/patiently at it).
Probably the best thing about OKC is it has so many poly-friendly options. Definitely can't say that for most dating sites, especially sites with as much membership as OKC has.
Misticbleu, you'll need to figure out (by experience) whatever it is that works best for you (and Drexel). Take all that you have heard on Polyamory.com so far (and in the future), and you'll find that you can compile from it a composite picture that guides you the right way. And that's my wordy take on the whole subject ...
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"