Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Most polyamorous people in couples do not dates as a unit, did you know that? Finding a "third" to "share" or "add" hardly ever works out. You 2 have a longstanding relationship. This hypothetical woman would have a big learning curve. You two already have couple privileges in place. History. House. Kids. In-laws, nieces, nephews, etc.
Would she be allowed to date and have sex with each of you separately or only 3somes? Or is one on one bonding time allowed?
Some couples don't even want their third to text or email one of the partners individually.
Would your woman be able to express affection in public with either of you? Would she be able to go to family events, or work parties? Be introduced as your girlfriend?
What if she also has a partner already in place, or another couple? Could you share her with them the way she has to share you with your partner? Or is she expected to be single and then immediately fidelitous?
Can she be a mother? Can she have her own kids, or get pregnant by the man of your unit?
And it goes on... Again, being poly does not mean being a couple that shares one woman.
By the way, it is against our user guidelines for a couple to share an account. The least that is expected is for the poster to identify themselves when posting. Is one of you Mistic and the other Bleu?
Thanks again for all the advice and since you posted a list of questions... I'm assuming you want me to answer I will try and get to them now. First I would like to say that I ( the female ) am Misticbleu. Both Mistic and Bleu are mine together. We aren't sharing an account.
As we have discussed and already knew how difficult it would be finding that ONE person that would fit into Our already established life and home, we have opened it up for both of us to date separately.
We are not only interested in 3somes ( been there ) and at first would like to keep it the three of us together for sexual encounters since it's all new and we're discovering each other but ultimately our goal is to be separate when the need or want arises for everyone involved. Sexually and for One on One bonding time.
He's free as I am to text and email whom we please.. as long as we communicate what we are doing and to whom. I don't go through his phone and have never felt the need too, nor does he mine.
Yes, she would be able to express affection in public, I don't see why not and would really find it ridiculous to ask her not too. Do I want hands up skirts and tongues down throats while we're shopping in Giant for apples?? Uhhh no, but hugging, holding hands, kissing being affectionate, of course.
Our 'idea' of what we think would work best for us ( not knowing this other person yet or what they would want) is a Poly-Fi Triad. Are we stuck on that, NO.
Can she be a mother, sure. Meaning previous kids. We have two girls 17 and 13 now from my previous relationship. Will she have children with my husband? NO. Do I? NO. He has a genetic connective tissue disorder that we are not willing to chance passing it on. That was an easy question.
We have never thought about Poly as in US sharing a woman. She's not Our Toy nor do we expect her to be or act that way. We've shared woman before... it was purely sexual. That's not what we are looking for currently.
Will she be able to attend functions or family events. Sure. We have discussed this as well. My husband and I are already fairly open with our family. My family knows all to well I live my life how I choose and that's fine with them. I asked my husband about telling his family when we needed too and have a relationship with someone else and he agrees not to keep it a secret. Of course we're not naive in thinking talking about it and the reality of are different, but we'll surely cross that road when we come to it. That being said we have no plans to live in the closet. We don't now.
I hope I made it through the fire fairly unscathed...
Thanks again for your advice, direction and pointers
Misticbleu - bi female
Drexel - my husband