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Old 11-03-2013, 06:45 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
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Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
Now, for the not so good feels. Here is the stuff that cuts me to the bone. I've had time to reflect, and I think it comes down to this: I fear that I love her more than she loves me. That's the easiest way to put it. Now, let me explain:

Because of my partner's job situation, she spends most of the week with me. Her husband lives three hours away, and is in the process of finding a job. They see each other every weekend: either she goes there, or he comes here and we all three spend the weekend together. I completely understand that she would miss him terribly when they're not together. I totally get that. But they are both so miserable right now, that I feel like there's nothing I can do to help pull her out of the slump. Instead of enjoying the time we have together, she's sad because she misses him, or because of the pregnancy issues, etc. We haven't been having sex nearly as often as we used to. And yes, we've talked about it. Because of some medications, etc, her sex drive isn't as high as it used to be. I believe that, and I'm okay with it. But it's really difficult for me to go 2-3 weeks without sexual intimacy with her, but yet know they're having sex every single time they see each other, because she wants to get pregnant. And when he visits here for the weekend, they're in the next room making love while I'm crying myself to sleep.

And it's not just sex, either. We had a wonderfully strong emotional connection for the first few months of our relationship. I'm sad to say I continue to feel that connection fading as time goes by... not from me, but from her. I know that NRE is definitely an issue here, but I feel just as strongly as I ever have, and I honestly get the feeling she doesn't. I know the only way to know is to ask, so I have. I ask all the time. She continually tells me that she loves the way things are going, that she's still attracted to me, that she wants to continue exploring what we have. But it's like this: I think about her and our relationship all the time. She doesn't seem to do that at all. An example: Last night, we actually went on a date. I was looking forward to it all day long. When I got home from work and asked if she still wanted to go to a movie, she said, "Oh yeah! I forgot. Yes, I still want to go." She forgot. I just don't understand how you can forget about plans that you made with a person you say you love. I just feel like my emotions are one-sided.

I honestly feel like it's one step forward and three steps back for me at this point. I make progress, and then the feeling of rejection hits me like a ton of bricks. I don't know what to do. I know everyone is going to say "talk about it". But I have. From her point of view, everything's peachy, I guess. But actions speak louder than words, and I'm not feeling the love.
Did you not say she's isn't good with expressing her wants and it's been hubby that does most of that etc? I can actually relate to her. She actually sounds like me. I internalize A LOT and am not good about showing how deeply I feel for my husband, not as much as he does for me. I am a very open person but physically I forget to display how I feel. Maybe I take it for granted or maybe I'm just so exhausted from all that is going on with me (I'm dealing with possible thyroid cancer) that I forget PDAs. I'm illustrating me as this could be what type of person she is. Basically...being the one there 24/7 with her, doesn't mean she loves you less or appreciates you less or is taking you for granted, but that she feels at "home" so to speak. Forgetting a date, well, I believe on average husbands in typical mono relationships forget their wives birthday or even anniversary... Point is, if she is on hormone therapy to try to help her conceive (it sounds like they are having a hard time getting an embryo to implant in the this why they stopped trying before?) it could be affecting her. I doubt she is intentionally forgetting dates.
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