Originally Posted by crackedpleasures
I find I get a lot of flack for the type of poly I practice. I don't tend toward "family style" or attempting to blend my family with my or my husband's loves and I don't desire that type of relationship. I tend to be a with hub multiple individual lines/spokes coming out from me to others. Those others have their own arrangements. Why do I get so much crap for this? (I've tried to figure it out on my own but I'm interested in the reactions of others).
I will say, I am married and we do have a child. My husband has a girlfriend and I would consider him a spoke from me leading to his V arrangement with him as the hinge there. But I have other spokes. Most of my relationships are non-sexual. Maybe it's because people think I have "just friends"? I can't figure out why it gets under people's skin that I don't desire a giant family style relationship group.
Who are these people demanding you have the one big happy family style of poly? As others have said, reading here at least, the majority of people have V type arrangements, where the metamours may meet, may be cordial, may become friends, may become lovers, maybe even become co-parents.... or OTOH, they may never meet at all (due to distance, preference, time/schedule restraints, shyness, or other reasons).
Now this board is skewed towards newbies who come here with their new-to-poly issues. Maybe more seasoned polys tend to blend lives more fully with their longterm lovers, just because paths eventually, inevitably cross between metamours. But surely it's not some kind of requirement. That just seems weird. Kind of like, if you have a brother and a sister and you all live in separate states, and only get together one on one except in rare situations when all three are available. Does that mean you have unhealthy sibling relations? I think not.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years