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Old 11-03-2013, 03:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,345

I don't see anything wrong at all about delaying intercourse with any new prospective partner, just as you did pre-marriage. We can't be too careful these days! I've dated about 30 people since becoming single back in 2008, and I rarely went all the way on a first date, despite my super high libido. If I felt turned on by this or that person on a first date, sure, I'd mess around with them to one extent or another, but full-on PiV was rare.

Look deeply at this idea of ownership between you and your h though. The ownership of one human by another is termed slavery. In this country, slavery is illegal unless it's a consensual kink.

Coming from the Christian mindset, of course, most of the Bible assumes slavery. A person can own another as a slave who is his servant. A man owns his wife and children and can do as he pleases with them. That was all written reflecting life in the BCE era to first couple centuries CE though! We are talking Egyptian, Babylonian, Persian, Greek and Roman Empire days, with a little bit of monotheism (Yahweh worship) thrown in just to make things even more complicated. Why anyone would base their lives on the thoughts and misguided beliefs of cultures from 2000+ years ago is beyond me.

This is the 21st century. You own yourself, your h owns himself. Opening your marriage will help you look at how independent you both allow yourselves to be. Coming together as husband and wife should be an issue of choice, not expectation, not ownership, not "sharing" or "allowing" one's partner to do this or that.

You both will, of course, take into consideration this is all a brand new relationship configuration that will take time to get used to. Time, patience, respect, consideration, negotiation. But not ownership.

How do you deal with the fear of loss? You could lose your spouse at any time, through death. You could lose most of them through a debilitating disease, even if they hang onto life. Your husband could lose you to another man at any time. People do fall out of love and divorce. But if you're really poly, doing or not doing this or that sex act won't cause you to fall out of love with your husband.

I have all kinds of wonderful fucking with my bf Ginger. I have not fallen out of love with my gf miss pixi just because she doesn't have his equipment and we don't have PiV! My sex life in general is less intense with miss p than with Ginger, her libido and tastes in bed are different, but we love each other madly, and got a house together this year.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Seeing Rick and Glori (MF partnered, both 33 and poly) since September 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 3+ years

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-03-2013 at 03:56 PM.
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