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Old 11-02-2013, 07:06 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
People use the label "unicorn" all the time to connote a woman who dates both members of a hetero couple. I do not believe anyone truly expects said woman to be mythically perfect: equally attracted to both of the couple, secondary to the hetero couple, etc.
They do though! If you read the boards for a few months, and read around other places online, you will see that attitude a lot. More from the rejected single gal than from the couple who treated her like shit and then dumped her. Said couple will then go on looking for another unicorn who WILL have those qualities and ability to love and lust equally for 2 separate persons. And be disappointed, and hurt another naive woman once again.

BTW, a unicorn is not dating both members of a hetero couple, she's dating a bi woman and a straight (possibly bi) guy, a partnered unit. If the woman of the couple was hetero, she wouldn't be wanting to fuck another woman. Sometimes she is dating a couple wherein the woman has realized she is a lesbian, but doesnt want to split with her husband...

It is just easier to say "I'm a unicorn" than to say "I'm a woman involved with both members of a heterosexual couple who were already together when I got involved."
If people want to call themselves a mythical beast that doesn't exist, just to save typing a few words, they can go ahead. Why they would do that, since the term does have great negative baggage for anyone who has been researching or practicing non-monogamy for more than a few months, I do not know.

I disagree that the poster has any responsibility to "reclaim the label." We all know what she means by "unicorn," and if the reader is attaching all kinds of baggage to the term, that's the reader's issue. I just took it as the poster is a female dating a couple, and her relationship to them is as unique as anyone's relationship to anyone. Obviously, there is a need for a word to describe such a person, and unless someone can come up with a better or more succinct term, unicorn it is.

Originally Posted by Natja View Post
No "people" don't. Couples looking for Unicorns do, the rest of the time it is used in a disparaging way or, more rarely, as SC said, by people who don't know it is used disparagingly.
How about "couple fucker?" "Couple dater," for those with delicate sensibilities.

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Actually I think LoveBunny is bang on target. I really don't think Unicorn is so far-gone as to be a derogatory term except in a few small circles of people who are TRYING to make it so. It does not need to be reclaimed, as much as sanctuary from those who are trying to hijack it.
I couldnt disagree more, II. The very term implies a person with imaginary qualities no one has.

Just because you are a mod, I do not think it's fair for you to have the final word, when your statements show an inaccurate understanding of an important polyamorous concept.

More to the point, the discussion of the label itself is not really the OP's original topic, so let's get back on track please.

The problems listed in the OP are typical behaviours of unicorn seekers. No one on one dating or sex! A unicorn (mythical beast) would go, "Fine! 3ways it is. I don't need to bond one on one with either of you, even though you both get couple time with each other whenever you want."

A woman with a mind of her own would object to this rule, as the OP indeed has.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-02-2013 at 07:08 PM.