Originally Posted by jphillmore
Hi, I am a monogamous male who is falling for a poly female. I really don't know what to do. I don't genuinely like and care about someone enough to want to be in a relationship very often at all, and I have never had a relationship with a poly. We have gone out a few times over the past few wks and enjoyed each others company, stayed in a few times as well. Things were going well and we both feel the same way about each other. She gave me a disclaimer once as well that I wasn't the only person she was seeing.
I didn't really think about it much until I went to meet her with a group of her friends a couple of days ago. Some guy came in, gave her a big kiss, and she sat on his lap. It felt like someone dropped a 150lb weight on my chest, then kicked me in the stomach a few times. I left and drank, and drank, was really upset, and felt pretty stupid. I still have a lot of feelings for her... But how do people deal with that??? Is it even possible???
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
That's a reckless way to introduce other significant others. If she cared about you at all, she might have been more thoughtful in introducing her significant others to each other. The way your introduction went, as you described it, you had NO CHOICE in the meeting. It just happened out of nowhere. That is NOT love or friendship. It was UNETHICAL because you had no choice in the meeting. Now, you need to discuss with this woman to find out whether that was a planned meeting and there was a failure of communication or if it was an accidental meeting. Either way, don't blame yourself or your values because what happened was NOT YOUR CHOICE. Remember that. Poly is about freedom to make choices, not one person's freedom at the expense of others'.