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Old 11-02-2013, 02:31 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,057

Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
. . . I feel just as strongly as I ever have, and I honestly get the feeling she doesn't. I know the only way to know is to ask, so I have. I ask all the time. She continually tells me that she loves the way things are going, that she's still attracted to me, that she wants to continue exploring what we have. But it's like this: I think about her and our relationship all the time. She doesn't seem to do that at all.
You need more things and people to connect with in your life. You are depending too much on your girlfriend to fulfill and validate you. The sentences I bolded make you sound very co-dependent to me. You've only been dating a short while - six months is nothing, really. And at this point, you're thinking about her all the time, and asking her all the time for reassurance. That screams needy and clingy. Take a few steps back, hon! I think you should make an effort to expend your social life and find other ways to be satisfied that are not reliant upon HER and what kind of attention she can offer you. She sounds stressed. You need a fuller life in which she is important, but not the center of your world! And don't even think about moving in with them until you've been together for at least a year, for goodness sakes.

Personally, I can't fathom how someone can quantify love, because I see it as either there is love there or not. For me, love is love and doesn't come in amounts -- there is no loving someone "more" or "less" in my world. But your being so focused on whether or not she feels the same amount of love for you as you do toward her indicates dependency and neediness. You expend far too much of your energy on trying to interpret what she says and does into how much you are loved. It could simply be that you both express your feelings differently.

As I see it, the thing you need most is to cultivate a more loving relationship with yourself.

You also need to stop living in the past and wishing things were the way they were when you started seeing her. And this after only six months! Get present and stay in the here and now. Dynamics of relationships do change. Feelings and passions ebb and flow. You can't appreciate what you have if you are always wishing it was something different.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 11-02-2013 at 02:58 AM.
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