Within the last week, since I joined this group and have been thinking more about myself and my relationship history, I have realized something. I'm not completely clear about it, but am wanting to write about it so maybe I can get clearer.
During the years of therapy I realized that I have a "fear of being trapped" when I'm in a relationship. This "trapped" feeling has come up in every monogamous relationship I've been in. I have always chosen partners who are not possessive or jealous because I have known that I could not live with that. But no matter how much freedom I had, there would be an underlying feeling of being trapped.
Since I have lived a polyamorous lifestyle for 9 months now- I am noticing a difference in myself and my inner world.
I am experiencing a type of unconditional love which I was not able to feel when in monogamous relationships......
Now it seems that on some level I have been trying to figure out how to open myself up and correct this thing within me which seems to "shut down" or "stop the flow" of unconditional love.
Three of the men that I have been in monogamous relationships with in the past are now my current lovers. So- I am still trying to love them completely in a way that I wasn't able to before.
And it is working for me right now. They all seem to be enjoying it too.
That's it for now !!!