Our situation is in some ways similar, but I'm the other woman who moved in. When it started being obvious that she was having some issues about his relationship with me, I offered to take a break. That was 9 months ago. I still live with them, we work together well as a household, and everyone is used to me being here. She's dealing with health problems, and there's financial stress, and teenager drama, so the thing with me and him isn't exactly top priority. I try to understand that, and I am dating someone else....but it gets frustrating.
I try to understand how she feels, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't care how I feel.
We do talk, and she has expressed that she gets very uncomfortable when it seems like I'm more intimate with him than she is- which I understand, but I wish that she'd ask for more of whatever kind of intimacy she wants instead of wanting me to have less. I figure that people only get worried about how much of something other people are getting when supplies are limited, but when it's an all-you-can-eat buffet, no one cares what or how much anyone else is eating. So, I think that there must be something she wants/needs that she's not getting or not getting enough of, and if she was, she would be less worried about what I'm getting.
In some ways, we are very different people, and we have very different relationships with him, and I think if we all tried, we could work something out where everyone's needs would be met and no one would feel deprived. The times when it's a choice between us, like he can spend time with her or with me, I fully support him choosing her- because he doesn't spend enough time with her. There's so many days when due to health problems, she barely gets out of bed, so he and I end up dealing with kids/dishes/laundry/cooking/etc together, so I get the quantity time and she gets the quality time. Then there's personal preferences/habits- she likes quiet, he and I like having the TV on all the time, and we have heavily overlapping tastes. So, it's not like she wants to watch the new episode of Supernatural with him, but it seems to bother her that we have things like that that we do together. I wish they'd do more things together! I remember how they used to be when they were first dating, and I wish they'd get back on that track, but it's not like me avoiding any kind of intimacy with him makes her have more.