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Old 03-19-2010, 12:53 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

You know we love you RP.

I don't really know where GG is emotionally in all of this. Becuase he's being VERY VERY quiet about all of it.

We did (FINALLY) talk some today-10 minutes... seriously, TEN MINUTES. That's it. We didn't get too far.

As he see's it he's changed his method of dealing with them, but can't prove it until everyone spends time together. I'm not sure why-most of the nastiness was done behind my back, so what difference does it make? I'm not sure.

I can't say that what he's done so far is NOT enough... I don't know if it is or not.
To me it's MUCH more about how he acts, and less about what they do because of it.
If he (going forward from here) chooses to stand up and walk out (or tell them to stop or whatever) instead of just letting disrespectful behaviors towards me to be ignored and to continue-great. If not-welllllll then I have to stand up for myself and that means stepping back from him.

I did tell him about this thread-he hasn't chosen to log in. He also hasn't written me back (I wrote him) or talked to me until today for a few minutes before he went to work and I went to (yet another) dr. appt.

My GUT instinct is that he's feeling defensive and guarded. His NORMAL reaction to ANY type of conflict with ANYONE is to give in to the request so that it stops, if that can't be done or doesn't work, then he will walk/run in the opposite direction in order to escape it.
Unfortunately, that simply doesn't work well in terms of relationships and families. There is a certain amount of responsibility to care for your family that comes into play.
He's never really had to "worry" about that-because I am ULTRA protective of the kids (no one else really has to be because I am THAT on top of it) and I never asked that he be protective of me.
BUT he's watched for 17 years how I am that way with him and everyone else in my life... so it's not like the concept or idea evades him. He simply would prefer to say "ok play nice everyone" and then turn a blind eye to any infractions. With all of the medical issues that I've had in the last 9 months I've become MORE aware of my own fragility and weaknesses.
While I can respect that he's not ANYTHING like Maca-and actually I LIKE that-I also recognize in myself that I need him to be committed enough to our relationship-whatever he wants to refer to me as-that he's willing to protect me from unwarranted attacks-be they emotional, physical, psychological, sexual, whatever. ESPECIALLY if those attacks are coming from people HE is bringing into my life.

If these were a group of guys who became friends in school (presumably single) and had a close-knit relationship, then they started getting girlfriends/wives and were struggling to figure out the new dynamic-I might be more sympathetic (emphasis on MIGHT).
But he and I were close BEFORE they came into the picture. We already had an intimate connection.

He told Maca that it was different before, because he didn't know if I was going to stay in his life.....
I think that's b.s.
No one KNOWS if another person is going to stay in their life FOR SURE. We have to take our chances. But if we want someone to stay in our life-generally speaking we need to treat them with care and respect if not love and kindness-AND we need to NOT cultivate an atmosphere where they are mistreated, abused and disrespected by OUR OWN FRIENDS AND FAMILY....

Then there is the whole "friend" thing....

I was the one who was there moving him into my home when he ended up living in a crack house (no he wasn't a participant-long story). Not ONE of them was there, not ONE. THEY lived in the same town as he did-I did not.

I was the one who kept up with him no matter where he lived, moved, worked etc.
They have NOT. No phone calls, no visits, no emails.

They treat me like I am a burden in his life-but the truth is I have been a HUGE support for him in his life, living his life HIS WAY even when it wasn't something I would do or something I thought was right or good or whatever. I didn't tell him who to keep as friends or who to live with, or who to hang out with, where to work, what to do, who to date etc etc etc. I accepted him as he was, for who he was. I loved him-as is.

Anyway-I am going to go take a bath with my husband.... ok, nevermind-I'm not.... I guess I'm going to try to catch up on reading the threads then.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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