Still thinking you owe Matt some kind of penance for having been (lived) polyamorous, but instead you find yourself enjoying great rewards for being (living) monogamous, and this throws the ledger out of balance because you were supposed to be "paying for your poly sins," not getting rewarded for your monogamous transition?
There's so many past sins that I should be paying for, but instead I have this easy life with two companions who totally support me. Guess I try to make up for that by feeling guilty, but then come to think of it, who am I really benefitting by exercising this guilt? Doesn't help me. Doesn't help my companions. Doesn't help the people I sinned against, they're already done with the suffering I caused.
So maybe it's okay to get away with our past sins scot-free? I like my youngest brother's new philosophy in that regard: It's all about focusing on the here and now, not tormenting ourselves with the past or worrying ourselves with the future. After all, the here and now is the one thing we can really do something about.
I think life is difficult enough, even for the luckiest people in the world. Humanity has so far to go in the way of improving life for all living things. And think about all the people who got away with doing really bad things and never even felt bad about it. Oh, how I wish karma was a force we could really rely on!
In "The Fellowship of the Ring," Gandalf and Frodo were discussing Gollum, and Frodo lamented over all the trouble Gollum caused and wished Bilbo had slain him when he had the chance.
Gandalf pointed out that many in this world who deserve death get life, but also that many in this world who deserve life get death. Those who deserve life, he asked Frodo: "Can you give it to them?" and therefore, "Do not be too quick to deal out death in judgment." Point being, perhaps as mortals it's presumptuous of us to propose to "balance the books." We just don't have the power to do that. Therefore our duty seems to be to make the best of whatever unbalanced way the world leans.
Just some food for thought.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"