Originally Posted by Drummerboy74
All of these points are very valid. Makes sense. To answer one question though - there would be no relationship other than with BOTH my hubby and I together. It would be a triad of sorts, if it were to ever go anywhere (not a V type relationship). No emotional relationship for either of us separately outside our marriage. That is something I know we would both agree on. And I agree that it is way too early to speak with this young man about any of this. My hubby and I would def talk first.
A lot of people want what you want. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. But... it is freakin' hard and full of pitfalls. (Ethical non-monogamy is full of pitfalls in general.) Amble about this forum - there is lots and lots of threads on various aspects of triads. And while there will be some differences because you are all gay men, the general points on unicorn hunting and couple privilege still generally apply. Do tag searches for both here. Lots to read!
I also find Solo Poly blog interesting - http://solopoly.net/
. You do not need to agree with her point of view to get information out of her posts. She does a better job than most of explaining the implications of couple privilege and the 'escalator' in relationship.
There are some books that may be useful to you. I like both the "Ethical Slut' (authors name is escaping me) and "Opening Up" by Tristan Taortina. Both are on Amazon and neither are exclusively poly focused. 'Opening Up' in particular describes a bunch of different ways to be ethically non-monogamous.