Well with this added info, you're heading for trouble with your husband, if you don't sort things out.
I, personally, think fucking without emotions is way less fun that fucking someone you are deeply fond of, or love. Why keep another divine human being at arm's length? Why feel one's own emotions are "wrong?" Feelings are feelings. I know many men will do almost anything to avoid acknowledging their feelings though! Feelings are for girls and sissies. Fucking is what MEN do!
This is the 21st century. I think men are allowed to feel now.
Labels aren't important.
I don't get the whole couple dating a single thing. From either end. But that's just me. My bf would love to have a deeper sexual relationship with my gf, but she's resistant to the idea, and keeps him as just a friend. (We had 3way sex a few times over a year ago, but it hasn't happened again.) I'd be down with more 3way sex, but I'm not seeking it. So, each of us in this V have slightly different views, and we are fine with it.
BTW, the age difference doesn't bother me. My gf is 22 years younger than me. We have a ton in common, and on the other hand, love learning about each others' age group culture.
I know queers of any gender can be very anti-polyamory, and I always find that a strange wall to hit. You're already queer/gay. Why be against the other alternative sex/love culture of polyamory? Why all the pearl clutching and judgment?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37