Originally Posted by Mya
I have been on the other side of someone thinking this of me and in my case it wasn't true. I acted a certain way because I really liked the person, but I still said I didn't want a relationship with him, because I really didn't. The thing is, you can like or even love a person but still realise you wouldn't work as a couple. Trust his words. I know it might be confusing if he's acting affectionate towards you, but believe what he says. He hasn't said that he has no feelings for you. He might have them. That doesn't mean he should start a relationship if he feels that wouldn't be the right choice for him. If you feel uncomfortable with him being affectionate without wanting to be in a relationship, you can tell him that. "Please don't touch me that way if all you really want is friendship." But if you enjoy the increased closeness, just let that happen and let him come to you if he ever chances his mind.
I don't know, Maya, you could be projecting, and so your advice might be incorrect.
I don't really get how a friendship with sexual attraction is NOT a relationship. Depends on how deep of a relationship the OP wants. If she just wants a secondary, or wants more but can happily settle for what her old friend/love can offer (ie: not move in together, not have kids together, the usual expected outcome of being in love), I don't see what's wrong with letting things progress as they are.
Friendship, bonding and SEX can be good enough. Maybe his "I'd be jealous" idea is working though in his own psyche as he sees how Hathor makes space for both the men she loves in her life.
Maybe the old friend/love really wants a wife, house, kids. But here he is all wrapped up in you, Hathor. Do you have kids? Does he want to hang out with them? Maybe some day he will find Ms Right. So what? At least you'll have had this time to be together, emotionally and sexually. Maybe when/if he finds her, she'll be open to him still loving you, while also getting serious with her.
I'm a sort of live in the moment, seize the day kind of person though, so, that's how it looks from here. YMMV.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 60) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 38) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (monogamish, 42, M) since Oct 2015
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years
Last edited by Magdlyn; 10-31-2013 at 11:59 AM.