Originally Posted by FullofLove1052
Why are your guys against being out? Outside of the usual--no one will understand/fear of being judged. It is a personal decision, and everyone has to be on the same page. You have an advantage because they life in different countries. You can lead two different lives when you are with them. It will get tricky if they ever have to be in the same place. How would you introduce your boyfriend to your family, friends, or even to your in-laws? Are your respective families the type to not ask questions if you were to say, "This is our friend xyz," or is that too vague for them?
My guys, especially my husband fears judgement. For the moment i just call my boyfriends 'somebody we met during holliday, who became our good friend'. My family notices that i have more contact with him and i plan to go there without my husband and children. So i notice them asking questions.
My husband fears that people think of him as a victim, a weak person (while i respect his strength for facing his jalousy, his insecurety et cetera).
I fear what you write, Fulloflove, being seen as an unkind, selfish, slut. Not for myself, people can think what they want, but for my husband and children. I don't wish to burden them with this negativity.
For my boyfriend, he doesn't mind realy. He wants a secret for respect for my family. Not for himself. In his country he has talked about our relationship to the people closest to him.
My family is the type of family that feels they have the right to know everything and also to give their opinion. But i think my sister would be able to accept. She and i know each other well, she feels/knows there is more going on with this man. But because i don't explain, she doesn't know exactly. She asks sometimes. My husbands family not, but they are more old fashioned. Both his parents, but also his brother, are with their first partners. They are very different than my husband and i. So they don't ask, but if i would tell they would not understand, i guess.
I like for the moment to keep it like this and consider when, how, to who and why i would explain. And than is what Dagferi writes a good option:
Not hiding but also not advertising.