Yes, you are normal. There is nothing new under the sun.
To me? In my vocab? You are married and have a BF you and husband hang out with and share sex with.
- Your hubby is happiest calling him a "friend with benefits" and doesn't seem to want to make any further commitment. He could be polysexual and monoamorous. (share sex with more than one, but love only one -- you.)
- You seem to want to call him "BF" and possible have more commitment -- even if just the change in name for how you refer to him.
- You are also dealing in emotional management with your feelings about you practicing an open relationship model and the fact that you find you can love both these people and share sex with both. (Polysexual and polyamorous. Share sex with more than one, love more than one.) I don't know if love theory helps give you more "love words" to describe what love you have for each.
- What does the BF person want to be called and be recognized as? Does the BF want to date other people at some point or is the BF happy with you two? How does the BF describe self? For certain polysexual since he's sharing sex with both of you. What is his "amorous" -- monoamorous or polyamorous?
- Last -- are all 3 ok with however it is each of the 3 identify as at this time?
Could talk to these people about what's on your mind to sort it out the stuff above out so that you can relax about the BF's place in your life. Also relax that all is out in the open and everyone understands each other and where each one is at.
Could sit down and talk to yourself about your emotions over discovering that you can love more than one. Could ask either/both for support as you do that internal work.
But other than that? It seems like it is working out fine. Again -- you are normal and there's nothing new under the sun.