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Old 10-30-2013, 09:59 PM
Drummerboy74 Drummerboy74 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 13
Default Newbie -- need some advice!!

Hey everyone -- newbie to this site, and this subject in general. This posting is gonna be pretty lengthy, but I am just looking for some general advice. Here goes:

I am a 39 year old gay male, legally married to my 37 year old husband. We have been together for 15 years now -- married for 7 of those. We own a great little house on the water in Southeastern MA, and we really have a great life. We get along really well most of the time, and love each other very much. Still have sex about once a week (on average -- sometimes more, sometimes less), which I hear is pretty decent for a couple that has been together that long. Ha. Our families/friends are a huge part of our lives, and we are the luckiest people alive as they have 100%, fully accepted us and love us. As a matter of fact, we've never had one issue with being gay from anyone. We're just a couple of regular guys, really.

He and I know with 100% certainty that neither of us has cheated on the other. Our relationship is not 'open', but we do have a third over sometimes. We only play together. Over the last 5 years, we've had quite a few -- maybe every 2 to 3 months (though we have done this as far back as 13 years ago). We've never really had a bad experience, or at least never had any crazies. Most of these guy were younger (20-28 generally) and most ended up spending the night - usually with breakfast the following morning. We both feel that the "screw and leave" thing was a bit too informal to us and generally enjoyed the company of this new person. There were a few of these young men that stood out above the rest, and were people we could see being friendly with. Well, we recently met this 23 year old guy that lives about an hour away from us. He is not out yet, has a good new job, he is very cute, and he had only been with one guy before meeting my hubby and I. He had every opportunity to meet people, but had never gone through with it. He wanted to meet us because we actually had a conversation with him instead of the "you looking??" responses you get from a lot of the guys online (which is how we met). Also, he found us both very attractive, and got a good vibe from us.

We've since had this guy over 3 out of the past 5 weekends, and again in a couple of weeks. We've gone out to sports bars, had beers, took our small boat out, went hiking -- all together. Laying in bed with these two handsome guys is unbelievably hot to me. We've had some pretty passionate sex together, to be honest. There is something about the dynamic of the 3 of us that is really exciting to me. I love hanging out as a trio, I love seeing my hubby interacting with him, and the goofing around between the 3 of us. I know there is an age difference here, but it truly doesn't seem like it when we hang out - in any way. He's a mature 23 (or we are an immature 39/37). Ha. And I know he likes us, and loves hanging out with us. It just kinda clicks well.

All of this (finally) brings me to my question. Is this normal?? I know my hubby has really little to no interest in having a "boyfriend". He's called our new friend more of a "friend with benefits" kind of relationship. He has a much easier time with keeping sex and emotions separate than I do, anyways. He doesn't want to lead this guy on at all, and I know that this young man is really new to this whole thing anyways. But the thought of the 3 of us together, even once in a while, is very exciting to me. I think I've come to realize after hanging out with our new friend that I wasn't necessarily looking for random hookups when we played with a third, but a potential "boyfriend" of sorts -- or some one person that we could have a sort of relationship with, as strange and illogical as that seems to me - or whatever you want to call it. Am I a jerk for feeling this way?? Am I poly? I've always found monogamy to be unnatural and not all that realistic (though I know it works for some). Should I just kinda let this play out for a while? Is this completely ridiculous? I sorta feel almost guilty for feeling this way. Not sure how I would even discuss this with my hubby. Any advice or input on this, without judging?

Thank you for reading.
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