Hello PolyMC, from another UpState New Yorker (Capital Region). Is it just me or is our area very well represented poly-wise?
Welcome to the forum and best wishes on your situation.
I’m finding this discussion very helpful in that my wife of 18 years has recently told me of her desire to be poly with another man, while I still feel mono. That revelation came about two months ago, and I can relate to what your husband is possibly feeling. Thankfully from my p.o.v. her poly start has been slow as her first date last weekend stood her up. I confess that I had mixed feelings about things actually getting started so quickly. In the end my only hope was that if the new guy was a bad fit that it be apparent early, which I think that it was.
At least in your case you know M and T well and have been having open conversations about this with your husband. FWIW, I’m finding that it is one thing to consider her polyship(s) as a theoretical exercise, but am concerned that the reality of it could be much more challenging and difficult to accept. To that end, she’s told me not to worry since she so prioritizes our long standing relationship that if I told her it were more than I could handle, that she would end her polyship(s) to focus on us. The experiences of some other her suggests that should we reach this point, that her actually ending her polyship(s) may not be her priority in the reality of then, than while it is theoretical now.