Thread: Feeling Lost
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Old 10-30-2013, 01:18 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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It's been a 2 week visit. No more, no less. She is not a roomie here. She is A GUEST -- and guests go back home. So... time to leave. She doesn't have to go home but she cannot stay here. If she's really having that much trouble at home, call a shelter for GF to move to. You are not a shelter, you do not have "reboot my life" kinds of resources for her.

Whether they cry or create drama -- be firm. It is not appropriate to just glom on to your household just because you date. You are not at that level of committment by the sound of it. And besides that, you are not willing and you are not able financially anyway.

"I am sorry you feel that way. But this is where it is at --limit reached. You cannot stay here. I could help you pack/move elsewhere, but you cannot stay here."

You actually don't have to help pack/move but if it gets this crap out of your house faster, I'd say cut the losses and help them pack/move!

Yes, it was thrust upon upon you. But because one is wife and the other is GF you let their disrespectful approach slide and gave hospitality for 2 weeks. You didn't even have to do that long. Because you seem like you chose not to deal with it when it was fresh and let it ride... here we are today. So move it forward.
  • You did not agree to having a guest at this time.
  • You certainly did not agree to take on a new roomie at this time.
  • You did not sign up to support a 3rd who is not even looking for a job.
  • You are at your limit 2 weeks in and unwilling to give it more time.

We are free to choose, but not free of the consequences of our choices.

So could state where you stand and what you expect at this time. Could tell wife and GF....

1) I want to maintain good relationships with you both and hope you both want to maintain good relationships with me back.

2) When you both overstep limits and make decisions for 3 without consulting all 3? That's disrespectful. I expect an apology from each of you for putting me in this awkward position.

3) Because you are wife and GF, I chose to overlook that disrespectful move. But I am at limit for having a guest. It's been 2 weeks. I want my normal life back. I expect GF to leave.

4) If GF is not gone by X date? I plan to call the parents and tell them to come fetch their daughter.
  • I would prefer wife and GF deal with it since you both created this situation. I prefer NOT to call parents.
  • I would prefer that you NOT put me into another awkward position where I have to be calling parents. But if put there, I will call. Ball is in your court.
Then could sit back and let them deal. Behavior done/not done time. They play ball, you don't have to call parents. They don't, you call them to get the GF out of your home. All up to them how they want it to go.

If you feel like this will be drama because wife and GF don't want to play like grown ups?

You could skip giving them opportunity to solve it themselves and just call the parents NOW and get your OWN life back in order.

Could make arrangements for them to show up with a u-haul on X date, take the day off work, and sit quietly without telling GF or wife until they just show up at the door.

Then help the parents pack the GF and her stuff up and go home to deal with THEIR family hooha while you deal with your wife's hooha.

It's not the classiest move ever, but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Sigh.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-30-2013 at 01:47 PM.
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