Being open or not about poly?
On this site i see people being poly in different ways.
Since i'm new to this, i would like to know how you all do this.
My husband and i had a very traditional life till about 6 months ago. I walked during my holliday right in the arms of my current boyfriend. Since my mariage i have never felt the strong need to be with somebody, but with him, it's like it's unstoppable! So, struggling to find out what happend i found that the way i was dealing with all this turned out to have a name 'polyamory'! So you can say i have a V relationship now with my husband and my boyfriend. They know each other, i believe they even like each other, but most of the time its me with one of them, not with 3.
My husband (35, straight, mono) has let me experience this and we are very honest and open. As a couple we became more strong together, but also have more arguments and problems.
My boyfriend (44, straight, mono, living in another country, on another continent) is very kind and understanding towards me and my family.
So one of the many challanges i find in my new believes/new lifestyle is to be open about it.
My husband and boyfriend both think it's better not to share our secret with other people. We all think people will judge us and won't understand it. We were always a traditional couple, like everybody in our life.
Me i know (in my head) that this is best for the moment. But my heart says something else for different reasons. One is that i feel so much in love with them both, i would like to talk about it. I feel so proud of them! Also i'm a stubborn person and when people judge something i can react a little rebellious. I feel like it's more their problem than mine. And what makes me want to talk about it most of all is that my boyfriend has had many people in his life that didn't treat him well. I realy wish to give him the high value that he has, not hide him.
For this moment i decided not to talk about it for the next reasons:
- my husband needs more time than i need to adjust to this new situation
- i feel my boyfriend is my own secret, it also gives a very intimate feeling, not to share this with everybody
- and last but not least: i have 3 children and i expect negative reactions if i do share this and i don't want them to feel negative influence from this
So my question is what you decided, for what reasons and if you decided to be open about it, how did people react??