Some people like to meet their metamours. I do. It helps to be in the same room with this other partner. Sometimes you can build up some sort of scary idea of the greatness of your partner's other partner, and meeting them can diffuse that: Oh, they are just another human being, with their own set of flaws, not a perfect Hollywood/fashion model angelic being to whom I could never measure up.
It can diffuse jealous and envy. Sometimes, and it's rather often, I'd estimate at least 50% of the time, you might actually feel a bond and a budding friendship with your metamour.
But as you say, your potentials live hundreds of miles away and don't plan to visit YOU, just you go to them. So, your h won't be meeting them. He could chat them, email them, something like that, just to get to know a little, firsthand, about these men that like his wife so much. That is, if your potential bfs want to chat with your husband also!
I have to say, your h is very caring and trusting to be cool with you emailing T several times a day. My ex was always so jealous, he would not have been cool with me doing something like that with another guy. (My poly gf and bf, of course, have no issue with me talking to, even lusting for, anyone else.)
I'd have to say, suggesting and upholding the no PIV is not something I'd ever do. As a poly woman, I need to be able to "do what comes naturally" sexually, with any other partner. I don't hold out PIV as sacred. I know some people have limitations. Some won't even kiss another partner! Some will reserves anal sex for their primary. Etc. I'd just hate to be in bed with someone and have to keep telling them, verbally or non-verbally, no we can't do that. One guy I dated told me he only kisses his gf. I found that so odd and off-putting. We are having sex...can I kiss your neck? Your nipple? Your cheek? I can suck your cock but not your tongue? Ugh. I stopped dating him once he told me he and his gf had made that agreement. It just seems so disrespectful. It definitely puts your husband on a pedestal and your new lover on a lower level of respect and love.
So, with T, can he slide his cock between your wet thighs, between your labia, but stop short of actually getting it in your vag? Or does the cock stay away from your vag completely? It just all seems so awkward.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37