Thread: Feeling Lost
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:20 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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I was not asked about her moving in and am not ready for this.
This would not work for me at all. I help pay the mortgage in my home, and I wish my husband would move anybody in without talking to me first. Hell would rise and be on earth.

Some people are just not cut out to live together, and it is even worse if it is forced. She moved in after an argument with her parents. Is running away from conflict her thing? Is she any closer to making amends with her parents or landing on her own two feet? Why does she not have a job? Is she helping with housework? Cooking dinner? Doing anything to contribute to the household, or she just watching Bold and the Beautiful all day and eating up all of your food?

Cindie is right. "Give it time" is some bullshit. You like her as a friend, but your wife is pushing her on you in a romantic way. She is claiming to "love" you in order to butter you up like toast, so maybe you will not put her out.

I decided to give it a try and see how things go. It has been two weeks and it is not going well for me.
Completely understandable. I would imagine so.

I feel like My relationship with my wife is suffering a lot. She is less affectionate with me and just seems distant. Every situation is about what gf wants and nothing else seems to matter. The relationship with myelf and gf has never really been more than just friends. My wife kept pushing it to be more and now gf said that she was in love with me and I don't feel the same. I feel like that gf is just "pretending" to be in love with me to please my wife.
Your wife cannot put her girlfriend before you and make everything about her. You have needs and wants of your own that need to be respected. What is going to happen is you are going to start resenting her or both of them and leave.

I have tried talking about this, all three of us, and wife one on one. Gf just gets mad and wife starts crying and all I really get is just give it more time. I am to the point that I don't want to give this more time. I don't want to lose the relationship with my wife and I enjoy the friendship with gf. But something needs to change.
Communication is shitty amongst the three of you. A wise person once said, "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." - George Bernard Shaw

One [your wife] is not listening to your grievances or respecting your feelings because if she had an ounce of respect for your marriage, she would have discussed something this important with you and be willing to hear you out. The girlfriend sounds like an immature brat. How old is she? I have no tolerance for so-called grown people throwing temper tantrums. I do not go for it with my children, so I know I would not put up with it from an adult. Stop giving in. One thing I have learned is, when you stop entertaining foolishness, people cut the crap because nobody wants to perform or put on theatrics with no audience.

I also asked if gf/wife if gf was going to look for a job and she said she would. She has not attempted to even try to look. I had talk with my wife about our finances and how we would not support gf for long with out putting less money into savings and she assured me that she would look for a job.
Finances are nothing to play with. If you know that you have plans to put money in savings, keep doing it. You should not stretch yourself beyond your means or change anything because your wife acted in haste. The thing is I have no problem helping anyone out, but I will never support another grown ass man or woman if they are able to work.

I feel like I am just a roommate and that we can not support gf much longer with out sacrificing our financial future. I really don't know what to do.
Give her a deadline to find a job or tell her that she will have to make other arrangements. Be firm and mean what you say. Plain and simple. If she starts the tears and angry bursts, pass her a tissue, a pillow to scream in, and keep talking. McDonald's is always hiring. If your wife has an issue with it, tell her she is more than welcome to go with her. I believe in tough love.

Would it be possible for you and your wife (and maybe her girlfriend) to sit down with a counsellor? The communication has been dropped and now everyone is suffering. It sounds positively miserable. Put your foot down. She is not paying any bills and probably not contributing anything. You feel like a roommate to your wife. Your wife tunes you out and sides with her. What are the benefits of this living situation again?
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