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Old 10-29-2013, 11:44 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA, U.S.A.
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It started in pre-school, the moment I hit "puberty" my world was thrown into a sea of confusion, for the first time I was seriously questioning everything.~

As I got older, I'm not sure how it happened but "highschool" acted like a "catalyst" for excelerating this "process" the moment I stepped foot there: with my confusion came depression, then fear of the unknown, then anger, then hatred, and finally suffering joined the party.~

It felt like a lifetime to me, but it was only a few years.~

It's like Yoda from Star Wars said (paraphrasing), "I sense much confusion within you and much more fear within you. You must be careful, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, and suffering is the path to the Dark Side.~

I was a "loner" in "highschool": I just wanted to be left alone, I LOVED TO LEARN BUT I WANTED THE "EDUCATION" WITHOUT THE "STUDENTS"!~ I dressed how I felt and how I thought would get people to stay away from me: I wore all black with a fake leather jacket, but it had the OPPOSITE effect and NO ONE WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE --> SO I WARNED THEM, IF THEY DIDN'T LISTEN I HURT THEM.~

But 3 years of homeschooling away from that "deathtrap" that is called "highschool" gave ME what I NEEDED: love, care, nurturing, and the feeling of connectivity: the feeling of closeness: the feeling that WHAT I DID ACTUALLY HAD CONSEQUENCES AND ACTUALLY MATTERED, I DIDN'T GET ANY OF THAT FEELING FROM BEING INSIDE OF "HIGHSCHOOL" NOT EVEN FROM GETTING ARRESTED AND SPENDING THE NIGHT IN COUNTY JAIL: I FELT NOTHING AT ALL.~

DON'T talk to me about "normal", you can just STOP right there: there IS NO "NORMAL", THERE IS "EVERYONE WANTS THIS", THERE IS NO "STANDARD", EVERYONE CAN NOT BE MEASURED TO ONE "STANDARD" AND BE EXPECTED TO "MEASURE UP"!!~

And here's something shocking you might not have known: just because some one LOOKS like "they're having fun, smiling, laughing, having a great old time just like everyone else" DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THEY ARE TRULY FEELING DEEP INSIDE OF THEMSELVES.~ Some times when some one says, "I'm fine *smiles*." inside they're feeling, "I'm dying inside."

Every person is an individual who develops at their own pace, every person is never the completely exactly the same as any one else, "one-size DOES NOT FIT ALL", whether you or any one recognizes or acknowledges it at all is completely irrelevant.~
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Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~


Last edited by ColorsWolf; 10-30-2013 at 12:10 AM.
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