Originally Posted by PolyinPractice
The type of relationship you're describing seems to be a live in one...and I'm assuming you put in equal time with the children (though I know few mothers willing to give up that kind of time to another woman!). I prefer one in which I'm something in between, not a mother, not an aunt, not a stranger. Also, I don't like live in for myself. I want my own space.
I'd rather keep myself as "friend of the family," which kids understand and are comfortable with....then some weird "aunt" role, which they don't understand, and might be interpreted as "new mother." Probably paranoid, but unless my change dramatically simplifies, I don't want that as another hassle to deal with.
Just because you may be "considered" a "mother" by children doesn't mean you HAVE to BE or DO ANYTHING.~
Despite what others may tell you, there is NO ONE DEFINITION of being a PARENT let alone a MOTHER.~
Besides if they have enough mothers or parents already (it varies) then it shouldn't be a problem if you express your "non-desire" to be a more "duty-bound" person just because you're involved with their lives, and if it IS going to BE a problem well that's up to you what do with that.~
LYING TO THE CHILDREN OR TO ANYONE is just being deceitful and makes it seem like you are "ashamed" of your relationships, at least that's the way it seems to me.~
Besides, children are much more clever than you may think and they WILL figure it out eventually, but like I said that DOESN'T MEAN they're going to automatically "consider you their new "mother"", they're more likely going to see you as they have always seen you.~
What you are and what you do as a parent or "connected via family" is more up to YOU rather than up the CHILDREN involved, yes they control how they see you but that can change depending on how YOU CONTROL what you DO OR DON'T DO.~
Being a "parent" or "person involved in some way in children's lives" IS NOT ABOUT SLAVERY FOR EITHER OF YOU, it's a MUTUAL AGREED RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU!~
I'm not advocating one parenting style over another, I'm just saying THERE IS NO "ONE" WAY TO BE A "PARENT"!~
Great luck!~ ^_^