WhatHappened: T and B were not together when we met. They were broken up ... but occasionally still saw each other and were considering getting back together. I have talked to other people who know them both and this is the story on both sides. B IS abusive... physically for sure. She actually posted on facebook a pretty terrible slanderous thing about T (accused him).. and then a day later she apologized on Facebook and said that she had lied about that and that in fact she had brutally beaten him and that she had no right to do that... and she said that they were not together and she had no right to attack him since he was not her boyfriend.
She is not poly. He wasn't cheating either. However she didn't know that he had a budding relationship with... she didn't NEED to know because they were not together. I don't know B personally... I know some of her friends. The other reason B didn't know about me is because she works with my husband, G's sister. We aren't exactly "out". Well of course this whole mess go out on facebook so to save our selves from a torrent of mixed up backlash G and i gave his sister a heads up that B is upset that i have been around T... we left out the specific details... but she already knows we are kind of "open" so we are sure she can fill in the blanks. If T were to date B again he would have to either tell her about me and our little situation and see if that is acceptable for her... or be done with me. Right now they are probably going to try to be friends. I asked him to inform her that he is dating someone at the moment.... and I requested that he not do anything sexual or emotional with her... so he doesn't muddle things up. He said "of course" so I think we are seeing eye to eye on this. I do know there is another side to the story since some of Bs friends have shared thier opinions of T to me so I don't lay all the blame on her. BUT I do think it is fair to say that they are not good for each other.
I am going to trust T until I have a reason not to. I think that's fair. So far all his stories check out. I haven't had him ever tell me anything and had it be a lie in the end. (He did tell me he was done with B... yes... and now they are talking again... but he was completely up front about it so I don't consider that lying) I am also trusting him to be honest with her. I don't have to *LIKE* B to respect her as a human being worthy of compassion and honesty. T has my trust until I have a reason not to. T is trusting me too... and he doesn't even have people to ask about me... so he is basing all his opinions on what I and G tell him.
I suspect that eventually I will know B personally. I hope that will come about wi th hout any sort of catastrophic event. I also hope that we dont end up with a hate-hate relationship. .. because that is not good for anyone. BUT I am not exactly going to show up at her door and say "hi B, I am cherry... t's polyamorous married girlfriend... want to have cake and discuss things?" (Ironically that actually sounds like the course of action I would want in her shoes... but something tells me that would not play out well. I am weird ) But the day will come... and when it does I will figure it out.
for now I will leave b to t and t and g to me and me to us.
(Cherry) Me: poly bi female in a V with G :hetero male married 8 years AND T: hetero male bf (new)