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Old 10-29-2013, 02:08 PM
drinnt's Avatar
drinnt drinnt is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 50

After reading your story I get a very real sense that you need to back up a couple of steps. You sound like you have a heavy dose of empathy, which is not a bad thing, however it seems to be drawing you IN TOO DEEP.

There are things outside of your control here...and though its natural and lovely for you to be feeling for all sides of the situation I have a strong feeling myself that you are allowing YOURSELF to be drawn in too deep, emotionally, to the elements of this dynamic that are outside of your control.

Back up to the point where you have feelings for T and you have a relationship with G. For your own health and well being I would be concerned about the impact of having a "dotted line" connection to B and what that could mean for YOUR family having her connected to you in this way (especially in her reported state). That is where you need to "live" emotionally speaking...managing your connection to G and T with the understanding B is connected to T. Getting emotionally invested beyond that will cloud your judgment and choices.

Focus on what YOU want and what YOU need for your health, happiness and well being. Then focus on what YOU want and what YOU need in your relationship with G and T. Where you are lacking...take action. Where you are fulfilled...acknowledge and appreciate. No less, no more.

To obsess or concern yourself beyond your needs and desires in these relationships is to take on the emotional "shoulds and should nots" of the other people. That is where you are getting too deep.

My advise...back your focus out a bit and hold at the place centric to you and your needs. Taking on the needs and wants of others will only make your head spin and lead you to a place of NOT YOUR CREATION.
J - my wife & partner since 2000
D - R's wife & my girlfriend since 2013
Da - dating in a polyamorous relationship
R - D's husband & J's boyfriend

Last edited by drinnt; 10-29-2013 at 02:10 PM.
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