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Old 03-18-2010, 01:03 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
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"I love her as much as my wife and kids........I once thought I'd never share my wife with another man swinging"

Thanks so much for your sharing. I have a few things to say to you. The first realization that I came to before entering into a Poly lifestyle is that the idea of "You can only be in love with one person" is a myth and it is not correct at all. I don't know how it has happened, but I am in love with 3 people right not. The other idea which is not correct is this. "Your love for a second person will diminish your love for the first person" After entering into this Poly experience, you find that it is not true at all.
Another thing I would like to suggest to you. If there is total honesty and your wife does meet a man that she would like to get to know. Let's say she falls in love with him and it turns her life around and gives her a new lease on life. If you really love her, chances are (from my experience) that you will not feel jealosy, but in fact you will be glad for her and may even feel a closeness and an emotional intimacy with her lover....you may even feel grateful for him.
One more thing.....the "swinging" that you did was sex with no emotional intimacy. I would like to suggest that emotional intimacy, respect, trust and love is the most important thing in a relationship and when that type of relationship becomes sexual- that is the ultimate type of experience.
I'm not inclined to support you in the idea that you can have your lover, but your wife cannot have a lover. I think that you will have a very powerful personal experience if you were to allow the possibility that your wife's life might be enhanced in a major way by finding a lover for herself and that your life might be enhanced by seeing her feel a new love for someone else !!!

Last edited by idealist; 03-18-2010 at 01:07 AM.
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