Thank You For the Welcome!
It's so nice to finally be in a place where I can talk about this openly and not feel so "closeted" as I do in the real world.
"A" and I have had many discussions since I became aware of my growing romantic feelings for two other men -- often he feels a little overwhelmed and past his comfort zone at the very idea. At this point in time I have not had any physical contact with either "M" (outside of several wonderfully long and cuddly hugs--I still don't think he is aware how deep my feelings run, and even if he did I doubt that he reciprocates the romantic feelings) or "T" (whom I haven't seen in person since we were dating oh so many years ago--our "relationship" at this point is online/phone) so the negotiations are very much in their infancy stage. I have already made several trips to visit "M" (which began the negotiations) and nothing has happened there to even warrant discussion. There are upcoming solo trips planned to visit both "M" and "T" (one at the end of the year and the other in the spring) which naturally makes "A" a bit nervous.
In answer to the question regarding our "ground rules", and please forgive me if this is too graphic for this forum, at this point "p-in-v" sex is prohibited -- anything else in my sexual repertoire is acceptable. In our discussions, we both agreed that as my husband and primary partner "A" should be exclusively entitled to the p.i.v. Initially he wanted to include other activities (basically, anything "below my belt") but we ended up agreeing to this proverbial "line in the sand". My feeling with potential partners is that there are so many ways to give and receive pleasure that this restriction shouldn't be a hindrance. Am I being naive?
I have maintained all along that "A"'s happiness is first and foremost on my priority list, which is the reason I made the promise that if he ever gets to a point where he just can't handle any of this, I will continue to live as a mono as I have for the past 10 years since we met. He is a keeper and I'd be devastated if anything happened that would cause me to lose him. "A" often remarks, somewhat in jest, that he is happiest when he can be in denial. Discussions and references to "M" and/or "T" are a little too real for him right now. (And remember, "A" noticed that I was falling for "M" even before I did.) My personal rule is that "A" and I will be on the same page before I allow myself to become physically involved with another man. And of course any potential partners will need to be on-board with the not-the-run-of-the-mill arrangement as well. I don't ever want there to be any secrets, which I feel would destroy any of these relationships, whether in their current form or taken to the next level.