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Old 03-18-2010, 12:10 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Hey Cat (hope you don't mind the nick)
nope, don't mind at all!

Many people in the states get married partially for the financial and security benefits such a legal arrangement confers. In reality it's often as much of a legal contract as it is any emotional bond. Things like health insurance, tax ramifications etc have a major impact on people and decisions are made accordingly. Especially when children are or may be involved.
So it is a legit reason to marry for many in absence of what we've often discussed about more enlightened options (and people).
You make a good point.

I guess I understand the "purpose" of legal-arrangement-loveless-marriages. I just would never be caught dead being in one!! I've got a very idealistic view of marriage and of "valid" reasons to get married. In short, if you need logical reasons to get married, then you probably shouldn't! :P Too many people get married for the "wrong reasons." Mind you, that's easy to say in a country with Universal Health Care!! I can't even begin to imagine the burdon it places on a family to worry about something as inevitable as getting sick and needing a doctor, how that can bankrupt you.. it's a horrible thing! You should all move to Canada!!! :P

So in that context, then I totally get the prenup thing.

And of course you're right that no one expects to one day be in divorce court when they get married (except those green-card arrangements, for which a prenup goes without saying.) But in my not-so-humble opinion, anyone who enters a marriage with a contingency plan for divorce is already prepared to bail. The universe gives you exactly what you ask for, whether you're clear about what you ask for or not, and whether or not you intend to ask for that... And if you get married with a plan for divorce, then you're asking the universe for your marriage to fail.

People do change, absolutely. But it's easy to identify the people who tend to change for the better (i.e. "grow") from those who change for the worse. At least, it's not hard for me If I don't see a person taking active steps to improve themselves and their life, I don't get involved with that person. I guess I'm kind of a snob that way :P

I guess I'm getting off-topic here... my whole point is that I would only marry someone whom I saw to be on a lifelong path of growth. People's emotions can definitely change, but not who they are deep down as a person. So if you marry the right kind of person, then even if you grow apart as individuals, it should be reasonable to end things amicably.

Again, just a reminder here to be careful of making blanket statements in a forum with worldwide visibility. Especially in regards to legalities. There's far too much variation from state/state - province/province, federal etc to say much except "research YOUR state/province - contact a lawyer when in ANY doubt !"
Very good point.

I can for example state that in the past (can't say whether it's changed but don't believe so) the U.S. Federal govt absolutely does NOT recognize common law status - especially for tax purposes. I learned this lesson the hard way (several hundred dollars worth of hard way) after living together (unmarried) for 3 years and having 2 children. Not "married" - tough shit - pay up ! Don't care if you are living together and are are sole source of support !
Sorry for being nosy, but I'm confused... you had to pay up? For what?
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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