Here is something that helped me when Maca had a girlfriend:
I first, tried to think of what I would want if I were the girlfriend.
But that didn't help.
So instead I worked on holding myself accountable to whatever limitations I expected her to adhere to. THAT really got me moving on being more equitable, quite quickly actually (like a matter of hours and days).
It seems to be a very valuable tool to realistically EXPERIENCE being in their shoes somewhat-when you hold yourself accountable to what you are asking them for.
So for example; no intercourse for them, then no intercourse for you and he either.
From Maca's side; He chose to tell us we had the go-ahead to our sexual activity, with the understanding that he doesn't need updates about when/how/where/what. We agreed that we are in a fully sexual and romantic relationship end stop. I don't tell him "we did this today" or not. It's not a secret that we have sex. It's just personal-so we don't share it.
"Love As Thou Wilt"